Carmella's Hang Out

Many of you know that I use to {and from time to time still do} play a game called TFC. In this game, there are things called clans. These are like clubs…..but the exact definition of them and explaination are not needed for this post really. Through a guy who use to be in the same clan as my dad, I know a guy in now that we call M.
Remember how I talked a few months ago, about a guy who I felt would go to hell if he died right then, and I would be partly to blame? Well….due to reasons beyond my comprehention {he has some wierd ideas} he no longer talks to me…and that is fine. However…..M, is now the person that plagues my mind with this thought. And it seems like it should be so easy to show him the truth. It is easy I know. M is a very unhappy person. He may seem at times to laugh and have fun like others….but if you talk to him for awhile….he tries to put a bad spin on everything that is around him at all times. He will even admit this is how it is. I can tell that he is searching for something to make it better. Make it ok. Fix it. He likes to write poetry, and his poems are often dark and full of pain and questions as to why things are the way they are. The problem I am having with witnessing to him, other than the usual sinful fallen human roadblocks I face normally {The fear of sound strange. The fear of being laughed at. The fear of saying the wrong thing. The fear of not fitting in….this one is the worst, since I am not suppose to fit in the first place…so that should be no problem} he likes to turn many things into a joke. He asked me once, not in so many words, but still, he asked why I was different than the other people he knew. I was telling him about me being a Born Again Believer, and our homeschooling and Home Church….all of the things I felt made me different, all of which were based on my knowing the Lord. It was somehow brought up that some people look at us as being a cult….because we homeschool, home church, etc….and because we love the Lord. He laughed at it and asked something about being allowed into this cult that we had, because it must be better than what he had. I tried to explain to him that he COULD join in.,….but he was still laughing about the cult thing…and trying to make it all into a big joke.
I am really needing the strength to tell him he is in need of Christ. And that if he gives his life over to Him, the things that at first seemed horrid, can just roll away.
I am also trying to dicifer between legit worries {meaning, as far as things not being the right time. Or being made into a joke when they really should not be joked about} and between my old habbits of trying not to look like the oddball that I should be. I am ashamed that I once again am writting a post such as this. You would think I would learn. Perhaps I write posts like this to try and make things right? I do hope that is not the reason. I am not ashamed of the Lord, I am not ashamed that I am His daughter. I am proud of what He has done in my life, and proud of who He is, what He is, and what He has done. Why does it seem so hard sometimes to show it? Why is it so easy to say “Well, I witnessed to so and so, it is ok that I didnt do anything this time” or “Well at least I SHOWED I was different” ??

Lately, due to debates that have yet to be {I know this sounds wierd, but really….it is true. Daily, it seems, I am having a debate in my head, trying to be both my side and the other…..} I have been in the word so much more. I have seen things that I have not seen before, or even just reminded of things that I know already and needed to be grounded in further. To those who are responsible for this, I want to say thank you. And I am not trying to sound condicending or rude or boastful. I have said it to my friends before! heh. Debates such as this, or problems such as the one I am facing with M are what get us back into the Word. I was not in it like I should have been, but have found myself pulling my Thomson Chain out more and more in the past two weeks.

I hope you all have a good week. Remember to keep your nose in Scripture. It is the only way to combat this world we live in.