I love the band Downhere. Every year before I went to China, they would release a song that said exactly what I was thinking about what I wanted for my trip. Here is a link to each song for every year, starting with the first year of camp and ending in what says it all for this coming year at schoool:
2009: Here I Am
2010: Break My Heart
2011: Let Me Rediscover You
2012/13: On The Alter Of Love
“Delight thyself also in the LORD; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” Psalm 37:4
5 years ago, I had a bit different view on the verse above. Now, it holds such meaning for me!
Though I am sure everyone that knows me knows the story, here goes anyway.
I thought I would be a wife and mother. I delighted myself in the Lord in the knowledge that I would one day marry the Gill of my dreams and have a whole passel of ragamuffins. My desire was to the things the Lord wanted in my life.
The wife and mother part.
That was what I was sure God wanted for me. I KNEW it. He had told me from the time I was 5 that I was going to be a homemaker. So I was happy to wait….ok that is a bit of an over stating. Happy to wait, not so much…..I was happy to have it happen and happen quick. And I tried even to be happy to wait.
It wasn’t until I figured out fully the verse in Psalm 37 that it clicked!
Dad had often said that if we aligned our thoughts with those of the Lord, everything we asked would be what He wanted which is how the promise of “Ask and Ye shall receive” can be true. And I was fine with that, it makes sense. {Still does, please don’t think Im sayin my Dad is wrong} Thats why I had no problem with being fully sold out to be a home maker here in the States, I was sure that it was the will of God and since I thought I had been focused on aligning my thoughts with those of the Lord, I was sure I could ask for it and be given it.
What had never occurred to me is that God had yet to tell me what the desires of my heart were!
All of that to say:
I never knew that what I have always dreamed of was to move to China!
In less than 5 years the Lord has given me a new desire, grown that desire in me, and has begun to give me the desire of my heart! I am very aware that this does not always happen. Some people wait for years.
Last year, when I came home from my 3 months in China, which had been the longest stay to date, I knew that I could not keep going back for short periods of time. It just wasn’t enough. Again, if you know me, you probably already know this story so I am going to try to skip through to the present.
{I have so many ideas for what I want this post to say that my mind is just wizzing about and I am having a hard time sticking to one thing. I am amazed that I have gotten this much down after only half an hour of sitting here in this coffee shop!}
In just a few short days, I will leave all that I know behind and board a plane for China. This time, I have no return ticket. I have no return date.
I am so excited, I am so pumped, I am so at peace. But I will be blunt….I am scared! CAN I do this? No. I keep reminding myself I can do nothing on my own and all things through Christ. Am I strong enough for this? No. But if Christ is for me who can be against me?
Part of my fear, I think, is that my plans are bigger than those of God’s! On September 3rd, I will start classes to learn the Chinese language. *MY* plans are to also have a ministry to the students on campus, to have an outreach to the locals, to start relationships with the orphanages near by and the kids I have come in to contact with in the past and the new ones I will meet as I stay in the area. *MY* plans are to be an ‘undercover operative’ in China. {I have a hooded sweatshirt that my parents gave me for Christmas one year that says “Special Ops” and has scripture on it about being undercover. I have decided to leave it behind since I do not wish to expose my plans in what I wear! 
Thankfully they understand and are not upset that I am not taking my gift with me!}
What if, when I get there, I find that God’s plans are just for me to learn the language? Just to trust Him? What if I am in China for 3 months and have yet to see a single orphan?
I am scared I will get ahead of myself.
And no, I am not a super hero:
I am scared about leaving Michigan, my family, all I know, going to a new place, with a language I don’t yet know.
A week ago, I completed my job of 5 years. I left what I KNOW and feel comfortable in. That was scary in it of itself!
I am leaving my sister and BEST {earthly} friend.
None of the fear out weighs the excitement and joy I have in this coming adventure!
I have been severely blessed! Over and over the Lord has shown to me that this is the right path for me to take. Every time I became a little worried that I had once again miss heard, an answer was right there for me to see. Sometimes it was as subtle as someone telling me they were praying for me. Sometimes it was as in my face as asking the Lord if I was on the right track, and then getting a card in the mail the next day that said “You are on the right track” along with some of the needed money for this venture.
Not really sure this is the best ‘First Blog Post”, or if I even made any sense. {Really, I am a good story teller/writer…..in my own head! I entertain myself for hours, it just never seems to make it onto the page}
I would like to say a big thank you to the co-workers and customers who made my last few days at Tim Hortons VERY special! Your outpouring of kind wishes, hugs, gifts, and love were so wonderful and I can’t tell you how awesome it was!
Kade has graciously agreed to be my ‘home base’ manager from here on out! She rocks! Not just for this,but I had to say it. This girl is amazing. She is my motivator, my sounding board, my confidant, everything a best friend should be and more than a sister has to! She is going to be helping me keep this updated as well as my email updates and the like. She and Mum will be the ones that help get gifts of money to me in China, so they are who you contact if you would like to help me. {Though I hate having to write things like that! I feel like such a mooch!}
Please remember that China is a country that monitors its internet contact/interactions. This means that they can see what is sent to me in email, so if you wish to contact me {and I want ALL of you to!}, please refrain from using ‘Religious Speak’, but instead speak in code when you can! If you are not sure how to, then please send your emial to my sajmakii@hotmail.com email so that Kade can ‘edit’ it and send it on to me. 
THANK YOU EVERYONE! I have not done this alone. I know that! I know that I do not go alone either! Thank you for your prayers….please continue! heh.
иконописикони
Dress up time is often a favourite amongst the kids at camp. During assemblies, we sometimes put out different costumes and have the kids pick who they want to be. Super Hero’s are pretty popular!
What can I say? I’m a sucker for a cute guy! I met Aaron in 2009 at camp and was excited to see him get to come back. Much older than his tiny frame makes him look, he is a little charmer! Put a paper in front of him, and he began to sing a song as if he was reading it off of the page! He liked to use a light up rose as a microphone!
Cute does not even begin to describe little AnTongYong!! He quickly became many people’s favourite. His buddy was a man in his 40′s….and we could not have asked for a better match for this little dude!
Coming to camp gives the kids the chance to try and be a part of many things they have never had or done! Coke is a perfect example of an everyday thing that many kids have never had. AnTongYong had never had coke, but he seemed to love it…despite this little ‘coke face’ he made as he guzzled it.
These two were so cute together! Jonny was really awesome with his little buddy, and XiYu was such a little cutiebug! It took a bit of getting use to when we no longer heard Jonny call out “Shy-Youuu!!” in his Irish accent, once the week was over!
Jane had been to camp before as a camper, but this year returned with the desire to help out as a translator! Given the fact that her English still needs a great deal of help, she was paired in a family who already had a translator and acted as a helper. Though her name had been Gene at camp the year before, she chose Jane this year….a fact we didn’t know when we paired her with another translator named Jane. They became Jane 1 and Jane 2.
This is Dien Dien. When his buddy became sick at camp, I was privileged to step in as the replacement! Although I thought at first that he did not like me, my translator Vanessa told me that he gave me a hug before he would give his first volunteer a hug! {Just so you know….this little fella has a file and is looking for a forever family!! *hint hint* I have more pictures of him!!}
Подарък иконаиконидетско обзавеждане“As the plane took off from the Xi’An airport, the sound of soft crying could be heard. They were not the tears of a college student heading toward a new year in the big city. Nor were they the tears of a scared young person starting a new life in Beijing. No, they were the tears of the red head from Michigan, bound for her native country.
I don’t cry because I am leaving the city of Xi’An. I don’t cry for its markets, it’s fountains, the ice cream everyday, or the exciting night life with people out dancing!
I cry because I leave behind me dozens of faces I am going to see in my thoughts and dreams, everyday for the next year….and many more to come.
I cry because, even with my ipod playing, I can still hear the sobs of a little boy just two months out of unneeded surgery, who is never given any pain killers.
And though it is just a photo I look at, I get lost in the deep sad eyes of the baby who stole the biggest portion of my heart. And I realize that even if my hearts desire comes true and we are able to make that little girl part of our family for good, it is a long way in the future!
I have to return to the States.
I can’t keep every child.
And, as hard as it is to swallow, I cant help every little life that needs rescuing.
I can’t even do much to help all the ones I have met!
But this knowledge does not make the truth any easier to deal with.
So. I cry. “
Random Muffin
Its down to the wire now! Blackhawks face off against the Flyers for the cup! Hockey is coming to an end for this season! 
Sad. Hockey play that is! Then there are the hockey awards and the draft still to come.
The preseason starts in September! I just found out too, that one team is holding part of their preseason in CHINA! Shanghai to be exact! I will have left the country less than a month before they begin their games in the Asian city! Wonder if it is too late to have my ticket date changed?!
